Posts Tagged ‘chris cooley’s penis’

Today I will predict and analyze Alan’s draft picks. I’m sure he’ll read at least 5 different fantasy magazines and still draft Roy Williams in the 4th round.  So here we go:

Round 1, 10th pick: Reggie Wayne

Bucking the trend of taking a RB in the first round, Alan goes with 30 31 year old Reggie Wayne.  Playing in a dominant offense sure has its perks, but let’s hope they don’t let him throw the ball.

Round 2, 11th pick: Larry Fitzgerald

This seems to be a trend this year choosing WRs early.  And Fitz is a monster.  I mean look at these hands!

You know what they say about a guy with big hands….  I think Alan got the wrong idea about the word “fantasy.”

Too bad he’s gonna get ignored by Leinart as some sort of payback:

Round 3, 30th pick: Matt Forte

“This is his year!” says Alan.  Even after wasting his first round pick on him last year, Alan decides to go with the offensive juggernaut that is the Chicago Bears.  Hey, Marshall Faulk had success with Martz – why not Forte?

Round 4, 31st pick: Chad Johnson

With Roy Williams off the board going to Warren in the 2nd round, Alan selects Chad Johnson. Alan refuses to call him ‘Ochocinco’ claiming that HE is the original ‘Ochocinco.’

Round 5, 50th pick: Jets Defense

Might have been a bit of a stretch but you can’t blame him for taking the consensus number 1 defense.  Alan loves defense.

Round 6, 51st pick: Clinton Portis

“No way man!  He’s still got a lot left in his tank!” cried Alan.  Redskin kryptonite.  Alan can’t wait until Portis unleashes his newest personality: The Uniballer.

Round 7, 70th pick: Chris Cooley

Back to back ‘skins, showing Alan’s dedication to the home team.  Also he love Cooley’s blog and the insight that it provides about Alan’s favorite team.  I mean look it’s the Skins playbook!

Round 8, 71st pick: Tony Gonzalez

Back to back TEs.  I like it.  It’s bold and innovative.  Alan is gonzo for Gonzo.  Gonzalez is definitely a top ten TE.  It’s a solid pick to take him in the 8th round.  TE is REALLY shallow this year.  For realz.

Round 9, 90th pick: Tim Tebow

Alan wanted to draft him earlier, but Jesus wouldn’t let him.

Round 10, 91st pick: Johnny Knox

Because he can’t spell ‘Aromashodu.’

Round 11, 110th pick: Nate Kaeding

Again, Alan is ahead of the field and takes the consensus best player at a position.  Can’t go wrong with that.

Round 12, 111th pick: Julian Edelman

“OMG! OMG!!!” exclaims Alan.  He can’t believe his favorite Jewish player is still available.

[No one tell him that Edelman isn't actually Jewish.]

Round 13, 130th pick: Jabar Gaffney

I actually like this pick.  Alan showing his Gator pride, but I have Gaffney as a sleeper.  Way to go.

Round 14, 131st pick: Fred Davis

You know the old adage: Handcuff your top tight end.

Round 15, 150th pick: Sexy Rexy Grossman

A Jew and a Gator!  Totally worth the last pick.

[Still not Jewish...]

Can’t wait to play your team Alan.